Wow, I’m feeling really great today

I’m feeling great today. I’m feeling super energetic. Everything’s just on. Does that make any sense? Like a switch. Like there are a bunch of switches and all of them are in the on position. I’m just going with it. I’m just going in general. I’ve never felt better. I’ve never felt more capable of doing anything. Seriously.

I feel like I could climb a mountain. I’d just get to the base and start climbing. And I’d keep going and I’d get to the top and I’d look around at everything and say to myself, “That was it?” because I’ll still be so pumped, that climbing a mountain wouldn’t have even made a dent in my energy reserves. You might be saying to yourself, well, maybe it wasn’t that big of a mountain. Rob, don’t you live in New York? Even if you go upstate, it’s not like the mountains are that big. And so I would say to that, touché, bring me a bigger mountain. Let’s go to the Rockies. Let’s go to Katmandu. Is that a mountain? I don’t think so but, whatever, I didn’t want to say Kilimanjaro or Everest, because they both sound too cliché. But I’ll climb all of them, one stacked on top of the next. Make a ladder out of mountains so I can climb all the way to those super mountains on Mars. I can’t be stopped. Not today.

I feel like I’ve been struck by lightning. But instead of simply coursing through my body for merely a fraction of a second, this lighting bolt is constant, like it’s just going up and down my spine, trillions upon gajillions of gigawatts of energy. Yeah, I know, lightning bolts are really hot, like surface of the sun hot. But for some reason the energy isn’t melting the flesh off of my bones. It’s like I’ve harnessed it, I’m somehow in control of it. And my hair isn’t singeing either. And my clothes are fine too. It’s not real fire is what I’m trying to say. But that’s what it feels like.

It feels like I can run an ultra-marathon. It feels like I could swim down the eastern seaboard to Florida. It feels like I could write a whole novel in a day. But it wouldn’t just be words, not merely length. It would be quality work. Like masterpiece caliber material. And it would make all other writing seem terrible by comparison. Which maybe I don’t actually want to do because, should the bar really be set that high? Isn’t that kind of too high?

But then again I’m feeling so energetic, so full of just, everything, that I’m seeing that bar, like I’m visualizing an actual bar that I’ve actually set so high, like I reached as deep as could to set it that high, and then I come back down and I look at that bar and I’m like, wait a second, that doesn’t seem too high. I don’t feel like I even used any energy at all. I’m still so jazzed up and jacked up and I dig even deeper and I reset the bar, even higher than before, and it makes the first setting seem like I didn’t even bother to pick the bar up off the ground, and then I come back down and repeat the same process over and over again, so the bar just keeps getting set exponentially higher and higher each time, and then I say to myself, wow Rob, it must be getting pretty late, all of this bar setting must have taken a while, but I look at my watch and I’m shocked, just floored, because all of this will have been done in like ten seconds, I’m moving so fast, over the top energy just pouring out of the core of my very being, and it’s all working up an incredibly oversized appetite.

Yeah, I didn’t even realize it, but I’m starving. I’m hungrier than I’ve ever been in my life. I feel like I could eat a whole steak, a giant porterhouse, two perfectly cooked roast prime ribs, a whole cow, really every single fiber of meat, I could lick it clean off the bone, washing it all down with gallons and gallons of water, so refreshing, I could drink an entire ocean, obviously it would have to be desalinated, I didn’t mean actual ocean water, I was talking about volume, just trying to give you an idea of what it would take to quench my thirst, and now that I’m thinking about it, one cow wouldn’t be enough, especially compared with a whole ocean of water, and while I’m waxing aquatic, I think I could eat a whole whale, a whole family of whales, a giant plate of whale T-bone steaks, and I wouldn’t even need a fork or a knife, I’m just that hungry.

I could do anything right now. I think I could run a two minute mile. I feel like I could uproot a tree right out of the ground with my bare hands. My fists are telling me that I’d have no problem punching multiple holes right through the walls. Right through the sidewalk. That barbwire fence doesn’t look so dangerous. Why shouldn’t I be able to touch those livewires? How much you want to bet I could throw this football over them mountains?

Seriously, you can’t stop me. I can do anything. I could solve the world’s energy problem, just hook me into the system, jack me in, put me on a treadmill, attach the treadmill to some generators, call up the President, tell him the energy crisis is over, tell him not to thank me, there’s no time for me to say you’re welcome, I’m too busy, I’m too going, I’m too on, I’m just, way too on.

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