Tag Archives: Mike

Mike, you going to eat that sandwich?

Hey Mike, it’s Rob. I just wanted to ask you about that chicken parm hero you left in my fridge last night. Were you planning on coming back for that? Did you just forget it? Let me know, because I’ll eat it if you don’t want it. Or if you want me to bring it with me the next time I see you, I could do that too. Just, yeah, just let me know. All right. Bye.

Mike. I just got back from work and I’m starving. I’m looking right at that sandwich and I’m so tempted to just pop it in the microwave and dive in. Would that be OK? I don’t want you to show up later and to not have that sandwich. You did forget it, right? I’ll wait a little bit. Just call me back when you get this, OK? Thanks.

OK, so I waited a couple of hours but I couldn’t take it any longer, so I went out and got some McDonald’s. Swing by and pick up your food whenever you feel like it. Or just call me back, just shoot me a text, if you want me to hang on to it for you, if you’re not interested anymore, whatever. Do you want me to throw it in the freezer? The sauce might last a month in there, but the bread? I don’t think it’s going to thaw out well. I’ll just keep it where it is. Call me back.

So I think this is like the last day that we can possibly do something with this sandwich. I’d eat it today. It’s definitely not as fresh as it was when you put it in there, or even yesterday, but it’s totally edible. I lifted back the wax paper and swiped my finger through the corner – is that cool? I just wanted to taste it, to see if it’s still good. It’s still totally good, but I can tell it’s about to turn any second. I’ll eat it. I’ll still totally eat it. But if you want to eat it, seriously, that’s cool too. But one of us should eat it. It’s still perfectly good. Perfectly … acceptable.

All right Mike, I think we blew it here. Your sandwich has definitely passed over to the other side now. I’m not going to eat it. So, I mean, I don’t know what you’d want with it at this point, but I feel bad doing anything until you give me the go ahead. Hit me up. Thanks.

Mike, I know that I told you yesterday that the sandwich was bad, and yeah, it doesn’t look too great at all. The bread is definitely a little grayer than bread it supposed to look. But I did the finger test again today with the sauce and I’ve got to tell you, I’m pleasantly surprised. I probably wouldn’t eat the bread, maybe not the cheese either, but the chicken? The sauce? I think that’s potentially salvageable. What do you say? Call me up. Stop by. We can share it. Or you could take it back, it’s your sandwich.

OK, we’ve absolutely crossed the point of no return here. There’s mold all over. I don’t know if it started from the bread, or if it’s contaminated the whole sandwich, but it’s gross. The wax paper wasn’t doing a good enough job keeping everything together. Well, I don’t really know how long that sandwich would have lasted even if it were sealed. And a totally closed environment? That might have spelled the end of the bread even earlier. Anyway, it’s not happening. Just come by and throw it out, whenever you’re free.

Mike, the mold from your sandwich is starting to make me a little uneasy. It’s really splotchy, furry. I’m worried that it’s going to contaminate the rest of the food in my fridge. Can you come get rid of it, please?

Mike, I just had to throw out a pineapple. It was perfectly good. There’s no way that it should have been able to grow mold on it so soon. Mike, come by, take the sandwich, throw it out, bring me a new pineapple.

Mike, my cheese drawer is in bad shape here. You free later?

Mike, I can’t even open the fridge door anymore. It smells terrible, unbearable. Bring some bleach.

Mike, I threw it out.

Mike, I took it out of the trash and put it back in the fridge.

Mike, OK, yeah, I got rid of it. Sorry man. I’ll make you a new sandwich sometime. Are we cool?

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Hello, Mike, it’s me, Rob. Why aren’t you answering your phone Mike? Why aren’t you calling me back Mike? I hate leaving voicemails. You know I hate voicemails. I know you hate them. We both hate them. Mike? Why are you making me do this Mike? Is your phone broken? I texted, I swear, but I’m not getting any responses. Is this about last week? Listen, I’d like to apologize. I want to say sorry. I’m sorry that I don’t know why you’re mad at me. Are you mad at me? I can’t tell. Sometimes when your phone is broken the texts never get sent, or they get sent, but they get sent to your old phone, and then when you get a new phone, the texts never show up. Is that what’s going on here Mike? I think it’s the same with voicemails too. Or are you mad at me? Phone problems or friend problems? Are you busy or are you ignoring me?

Is it about those phone calls last week? Well I wasn’t sure because I lost my phone and I had to have it deactivated and when I got a new phone and activated it I was just calling, wondering to see if you’d called. I didn’t want to be a bad friend. I didn’t want you to think that I was ignoring you or something or not returning your phone calls. Like you’re doing to me right now. Mike? I’m not mad. I was just … I thought you might be mad. Are you mad? I’m a little mad. Not mad, worried.

Mike, I’m more worried now than anything else. Not pissed. Worried about you. I know it sounds crazy, you know, because I’ve been talking now for so long. This is way too long of a message. Yeah, I’m thinking about it even more and you’re probably not going to … well, you’ll listen to it. Right? Why wouldn’t you? I’m pretty sure nothing’s wrong. Right? I mean, why would you be mad at me? We’re cool, right Mike?

Is this about all that beer I drank at your parents’ BBQ? I told you I was sorry about that, right? You know I called your dad too and told him I was sorry. He said it wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t sound mad at me. He always sounds like that, right? Like distant. Classic Mike’s dad. Did he say something to you, something different? What about your mom, was she pissed? That could have happened to anyone. And it wasn’t that big of a mess, I mean, that’s why they have pool filters in the first place. To filter stuff out. Besides I was out driving around the other day and I passed by your parents’ place and I just walked around the back to see if you guys were hanging out. Nobody was, but the pool looked fine. You wouldn’t know there was ever a mess in the first place. Mike, you would have told me if you were still upset, right Mike?

Is this about that fifty bucks? Because, you know I swear I remember already paying you back. I’m positive. A hundred percent. And didn’t I tell you I’d pay you back sixty? I’m pretty sure I paid you back seventy. So you kind of owe me ten bucks. Even though I was really just saying I’d pay with interest more of like a gesture. I was, actually, I was a little surprised when you agreed to the sixty. Friends aren’t supposed to be making money off of each other, right? I mean, if you tried to pay me back thirty, I wouldn’t take the extra cash. I’d take twenty. But I definitely paid you back. Check you receipts man. Not real receipts, obviously, but don’t you keep a record of your money somewhere? Mike?

Are you going to be around later? I could always just swing by and see if you’re home. We could go out and watch a movie or something. I know you already saw Batman, but maybe you’d want to see it again? You know because I was kind of waiting, like I thought you were waiting too, like I thought we would go and see it together. You liked it right? What do you say, you want to go see Batman tonight? I guess I could just stop by later and see. But maybe we shouldn’t do a movie, not unless you call me back, not unless you get back to me, because I’d want to buy the tickets in advance, because I hate getting there and finding out that it’s sold out. Yeah, I know, Batman’s been open for a while now. Still, you said it was good, right? Like real good, right?

I really hope you’re not upset with me Mike. I really hope you’re not dead somewhere. Jesus, Mike, I’m getting even more worried here. It would be one thing if it rang and then went to voicemail, or if it went straight to voicemail, but it’s that weird two rings then voicemail. What does it mean Mike? I hope you’re not kidnapped. I hope nobody’s torturing you, ripping off your fingernails with a pair or pliers. What was that movie where that happened? We saw that together, right? Are you OK? Maybe I should just check up. Mike if you’re being tortured, just agree to whatever they say. Just focus on getting through the torture as fast as possible. Maybe I should call your dad. I don’t know. Just, Mike, just give me a call back. Just send me a text. Just let me know you’re OK. Please? I’m sorry this is such a long message. I just, I’m … I don’t know. Mike? Just call me back, OK? All right. This is Rob, by the way. Rob G. All right. I’ll … I’m just … I’ll talk to you later. Adios amigo. That was lame, sorry. I was just … Mike?