Tag Archives: nothing

Eight to ten paragraphs

It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. I’ve been putting this off for as long as I could, and I don’t think I can put it off any longer. I mean, I could, but then I’d be bone-dry, totally out of blog posts. There’s almost nothing left. So I’ve got to get down to business. I’ve got to start writing, and I’m not going to stop writing until I’ve got a whole blog post here, something that, well, and I think I’ve said this like twelve times already, but something that, if you came into this room right now, you’d look at the computer, and you’d be too far away to actually read anything written on the screen, but you’d see the writing, you’d say to yourself, “Oh wow, Rob’s writing right now. And it looks pretty serious. I’ll come back later.”

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And I’d see you coming in, in fact, I’d have made a big noise, maybe dropped a stack of books on the floor, with the intention of getting you to stand up, come into the room to see what the noise was all about, but, like I said last paragraph, you’d look at the computer screen, and look, I’m already two paragraphs deep here, how long would you stand there watching me write? Two, three more paragraphs? You’d be transfixed, you’d think, man, that’s a lot of typing. It looks even more serious that it looked before.

And, again, even though I’d be pretending to ignore you, standing there, muttering stuff to yourself about the seriousness at which I’m going about my business, I’d be more focused on you standing there watching me write than actually writing whatever it is I’m writing right now. Because, look at this, three paragraphs and I haven’t really gotten at anything yet. And so I don’t want you to ever really read any of this stuff, I just want you to look at it, to look at all of it, all of these words, day after day, just think of me toiling away here, say to yourself again, “How does he do it? Where does he get all of these words from?”

Because if you actually took the time to sit here and read this, you’d be like, what, he’s just going to keep writing about how many paragraphs he’s writing? It’s four by the way, so far, you know, hopefully I’ll have eight to ten by the time I’m done here. And again, if you do happen to be reading all of this, I apologize. Well, it’s only a half apology, really, because I’ve told you already, this is more like landscape writing. You know, like a landscape painting. You’re not going to get up close and examine each brushstroke, no, you take a few steps back, it’s a huge painting, this is a huge blog post, you look at it, you go, “Wow!” and then you move on to the next one.

And so, to start off this fifth paragraph of words here, I’d like to say that, if you’re looking for something a little more concise, well, there’s always Twitter. And please, feel free to follow me on Twitter. But again, I caution you, don’t take individual tweets as meant for individual consumption. More often than not, I’ll just start tweeting individual sentences, beefing up the tweet count, making it look like I’m super busy, it’s the same with my Facebook posts minus the whole character count limit you have to worry about on Twitter.

Just don’t even bother. Follow me on Twitter, but don’t read the tweets, because if you see a lone tweet having something to do with a sixth paragraph, it won’t make any sense, it’s out of context, you’re supposed to be reading them all together, and what I mean by that is, not really reading them at all, so you know, you can see the paragraph breaks, maybe I put like an image somewhere in there that I stole from Google Images. It’s about the whole.

Which is, I mean to say, that the whole isn’t about anything. Just … just look at it. That’s it. These blog posts are great for looking at. Like if you’re sitting in the living room with someone in your family, I don’t know, your husband or wife, and you don’t feel like listening to them or talking to them, just pull up one of these blog posts. You don’t have to read it, you just keep it on the screen. Whoever it is that’s sharing the room with you that you’re trying to ignore, they’ll see you, they might see this wall of text, they’ll think, wow, you’re really reading, huh. That’s a lot of reading to do. And they’ll respect that, you reading, they’ll see this, it’ll look serious, you’ll look serious, you won’t be bothered, feel free to stare off into space, get some thinking done. Seven paragraphs by the way. I could force it to eight, I know that I said eight earlier, I actually said eight to ten, but whatever, this is enough. Right? This looks serious enough. I don’t need to go any further, right?