There’s just too much waste, so much unnecessary trash clogging up our lives, the streets. Like cars. Why do they need four wheels? Why not three wheels? I guess traction, right, or safety? I guess a car with three wheels isn’t as safe, like you could tip it over easier. Maybe. What about one wheel? Just one giant wheel, so that way it couldn’t be tipped over. And the car could be on the inside. And instead of brakes, I don’t know, I think you’d need maybe some clamps or something that pop out and help you to stop. Maybe it’s a little impractical, sure, but think of how much money we could save on tires, three tires for every new car, totally saved. Think of the savings.

Or think smaller. Like what about those little plastic pieces that pizza places stick in the middle of the pizza, so that way the top of the box doesn’t cave in, doesn’t smush the pizza? You know, they look like little plastic tables, with three legs, it’s like the size of a half dollar, maybe a little bigger? How many of those are we throwing away every year? I’ll tell you how many: way too many. That’s a lot of plastic, an unnecessary amount of plastic. I think that pizza places should either start like a collection system, maybe a drop-off box where you can return your used plastic mini table things, or, and I think that this is a better idea, just bake a garlic knot right in the middle of the pizza, so there’s a huge lump, so the box can’t get crushed. I mean, I guess it could still get crushed, but it would help, it would be a deterrent. And think of how much less waste there’d be.

Bu what if you don’t like garlic? Just tell the pizza guy, maybe they’ll make like a garlic knot with no garlic. But what are you going to call it, a knot? That’s not descriptive enough. A plain knot? A regular knot? That’s better, sure, but think of all of that waste though, all of those extra words, “plain,” “regular,” all saying the same thing, the same nothing. So much extra time spent saying all of these unnecessary words, syllables, right, it’s not a lot of time, but here and there, those microseconds add up, and so, yeah, I guess just knot, it would be awkward at first, customers saying, “What’s a knot?” and the pizza guy would have to be like, “You know, like a garlic knot with no garlic.” That might seem like a total waste of words, of whole sentences even, but again, I urge pizza guys to think long term, invest in a few extra minutes of instruction now, save all of that time in the future just saying knot instead of regular knot, or plain knot, or garlic knot with no garlic.

And I know I’m trying to cut out the fat, really eliminate waste here, and so I’m kind of reluctant to bring up my next point, one, because I don’t want you to think I’m just getting hung up on garlic knots here, and two, because after what I’m about to say, you might think, hey, he just wasted everybody’s time with that last paragraph. But I’ve got to. A garlic knot? Why bother spending time on a knot? Why not a garlic unknot? How many minutes, hours, weeks are pizza guys just tossing away, knotting all of these unknots into garlic knots? What is it before, a little rope? Right? And then you tie it up into a knot? Just call it a garlic rope. Or just a rope. Production is going to triple.

Or maybe a garlic ball. Right, just ball, because you still need something to prop up that pizza box. Maybe a garlic cube. Or would it be too hard to make one of those plastic tables out of garlic knot dough? Probably. That’s probably not going to save any time at all. I really ought to think about this some more, but I don’t have any more time, I’m too busy, I’ve got to free up some room in my day, to think, to eliminate waste, to free up more time to think about more ways to cut more waste and free up even more time.