Listen, I know that I can be defiant some times, but even me, I’m big enough to say it, when you’re right, you’re right. Like the other night, I went out to get ice cream from the Mr. Softy truck, right, you told me that my brother is allergic to peanuts. I was like, no, he’s allergic to tree nuts, or shellfish, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t peanuts. And yeah, it was peanuts. Well, when you’re right, you’re right. Sorry, I apologized already, and yeah, I’m apologizing again.

But did he take a bite? No, he saw the whole cone dipped in peanuts and said, no thanks, I’m allergic to peanuts. You didn’t have to do that big huge, ah-hah! I told you so! Don’t you think that was a little obnoxious? The poor guy, he sees a sweet treat, he can’t have any of it, and to top it all off, he’s got to sit there and watch you celebrating?

I’m not the one with the peanut allergy, so that’s on him, not on me. It would have been one thing had I gotten him like a peanut butter milkshake, something he couldn’t immediately identify as peanut, but even then, he’s a grown man, he’s in the habit of asking, does this have peanuts? I’ve seen him at restaurant, he’s always good about asking.

He’s always good, usually. There was that one time on the airplane, I couldn’t really make sense of why his allergy started acting up mid-flight. Did he accidentally eat some peanuts? Did they bag say something else? Did it look like a bag of tree nuts? It doesn’t matter, it was just a good thing that the plane had an emergency epi-pen. Although, I feel really bad for that other guy.

What are the chances that two different passengers with two life-threatening allergies would accidentally eat from a bag of airline peanuts at the same time? It’s a good thing my brother got that epi-pen first because, and I’m not sure that the other guy died or anything, but it was bad, they were like making the announcement, is there a doctor on the flight, there were like three, and I kept wondering, OK, three doctors, one patient, one flight. Who gets to be head doctor? I would want to be middle doctor, not assuming total responsibility if the guy winds up dying, but not last doctor either, that’s basically a glorified nurse. I think they did that trick where the head doctor stabbed him in the throat and the guy had to breathe out of a pen until they landed.

And it’s funny because, my brother and I, we were playing this game, you know, I had a bag of Skittles, he sat there across the aisle with his mouth open, I’d throw them in. What? No I’m positive they were Skittles. No, why would I play that game with peanut M&Ms? No you’re just trying to get in my head, but … well, actually maybe you are right. Maybe they were peanut M&Ms. Shit. Which means that, well, are peanut allergies that sensitive? Would one peanut M&M really set off that whole throat-closing?

I guess you’re right. You know, I’m a big enough person to admit it. When you’re right, you’re right. You don’t think I have to, like, call up the airline or anything. That other guy didn’t die, right? And besides, that’s why they have epi-pens on the plane. You can’t go down that road, me making a mistake, we still don’t know the whole story with that other guy, why was he eating airline peanuts? Although, I am somewhat relieved about my brother. Because he’s always so good! I was starting to get worried, like maybe he wasn’t being as vigilant, like he’s getting into some bad habits, not asking about peanuts.

Like when I got him that ice cream. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to test him. And look at that! He passed. He’s a good guy, a real head on those shoulders. And you ate half of that cone if my memory serves me correctly. Would it be too much to ask for a thank you? Did you not enjoy that ice cream cone? I’m always saying it, when you’re right, you’re right, right? Could I be right every once in a while? Could it be that when I’m right, I’m right? Can you just say it?